I’ve Never Been Richer. Yet I’ve Never Been More Worried.
By every objective measure that I can imagine, I am wealthy beyond my wildest dreams on my 46th birthday. Warmed by my fireplace and my Taxi Dog, I made a list:
- I have a wonderful, loving wife
- I have two beautiful, health, smart daughters
- I am strong, healthy, and happy with my self
- I work in a job I enjoy, for a company I respect, in an industry I love
- I am recognized for my expertise and insight in my profession
- I have several profitable side interests
- I have a warm house that my wife and I can afford
- I have money in various accounts for today and tomorrow
- I make more now than I ever have.
For all intents and purposes, I should feel very content. I am the success that I dreamed of as a child. No, scratch that. I am more successful than I ever dreamed as a child, for I grew up poor and my dreams then were very modest.
Today, on my birthday, I am truly wealthy beyond my wildest dreams.
Then why do I feel worried about my future?
I cannot say that my worry is logical. By no measure, should I be apprehensive.
I do think there are existential threats to my profession, yet that shouldn’t worry me too much. There is still a long runway for my skill set and if ICT4D does disappear, I’ve switched careers before. Its not easy, for sure, but it is possible.
Could it be that I worry about my material wealth? With my assets split between stock market investments via retirement accounts, and two massive real estate investments (hello DC & NC mortgages!) I am as diversified as I can be, and both asset classes are solid long-term bets.
Or is it that two years later, I am still not over my Philippine failure? Could the mind-f*ck of losing my job, my home, my family’s place in the world still be lurking in the dark recesses of my conscious, making me feel like every day could be the last before another shoe drops? Maybe so…
Its not my health. I work out three times a week, with a mixture of weight training, swimming, and running. Combined with my Drinking Man’s Diet, I’ve reached my best weight ever. Best of all, I am breaking my personal best running records on a regular basis with longer, faster runs to work.
It certainly cannot be my family. I love my wife, and she loves me. My children are happy, healthy and this weekend, in swim and gymnastics competitions. On their return tomorrow, we’ll have a father-daughter mani-pedi – and I couldn’t be happier!
While I am happy on a day-to-day basis, I don’t fully feel at ease. My apprehension certainly an irrational emotion, all things considered, and yet there it is. Creeping around the corners of my consciousness.
Is it just me? Or do you find yourself oddly worried too?