The Thomas Lee Bachelor Party

“Wayan, will you be my best man?”

This was an odd question for me. Both because I’d not been a best man before, but also because I’ve not been to that many weddings. Yes, I’ve been to mine, both of them. But I didn’t pay much attention to what Sean, my best man for both was doing.

Outside of those two moments of sheer terror joy, I’ve tended to avoid weddings. I stay so far away from them in real life that Amy stopped asking me to attend her friends’ weddings. I don’t even watch movies about weddings!

Yet, here is Thomas Lee asking me to lead his. What do you say to a friend you’ve known since Beijing? Who you helped think of dates for the girl he was dating then, and now is his fiancé? Only one word: “Yes”

The first task, the bachelor party. I’ve experienced two, both my own. The first one was wild – I was restrained in a leather harness, let loose on London with the Stud Cuz and way too much booze. I don’t think I sobered up till the wedding reception the next afternoon. The second one? I was home, sober, by 9 pm.

Just to set the tone for Thomas, and make sure he would be set loose on DC, I sent his friends this bachelor party organizing email:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been appointed Tom’s best man, so I’m arranging his bachelor party for this Saturday night. And you can bet it will be better than mine – when I was home, sober, by 9pm. With Tom, we’re gonna go hard and go late – there will be spankings!

To start the night off right, we’ll be meeting at the Fox and Hounds at 8pm. If you need sustenance to make it through the night, may I suggest you get there early and eat first – F&H and their sister restaurant next door, Trios, is tasty.

Oh and I’ll need three volunteers to help me with party planning. Preferably people with either an extensive leather collection or animal husbandry skills. Best if you have access to a live goat.

And so when the appointed Saturday night arrived, we were all ready with choice props and plenty of beer money. This would be a night Thomas would only hope to remember.

We started out with warm-up drinks at Fox and Hounds, telling tales of single and married life. A few of his friends were like I, ball and chained to beauties that gave us great passion and frustration. All of us had the glory days memories of moments long gone.

As Thomas got tipsy, we started to reveal our gifts, and start the challenges. To the dog leash and the blindfold, we added pantyhose and my favorite, the Force Cup.

Bought in an unassuming Northern Virginia CVS, the Force Cup took on a whole other meaning when part of a bachelor party. And that other meaning was clear to all those innocent women who suffered through our night of drunken debauchery.

Innocent women like the dancers at Archibald’s Gentlemen’s Club. There, with wings on the table, drinks in hand, hot, nubile ladies shook their moneymakers at Thomas. At every other guy there too, until we had Thomas loaded up with a wad of $1’s and too much booze.

For the sake of his enduring reputation, let’s just say a good night was had by all there. And the last I saw of Thomas, he still held tight to the the Force Cup.