Smoke Free DC Please
Smoke free DC because I’m tried of your ash in my life. Like men who pee standing up, when you flick your ash, you spray it everywhere when you aim for the ashtray. It floats in the air too, landing in my drink, on my food, in my breath. Thanks. And when you’re not flicking ash, you’re tagging my new shirt with the lit end, burning a hole in my quality polyester.
Read MoreMt. Vernon Trail News Flash
See, when you do that, swinging your teenage boyfriend out to the other side of the Mt. Vernon trail, a busy, narrow section at 6:45 pm on a Thursday, he’s gonna get hit. And not by some slow-moving jogger. No, by a very competitive triathlete who, unlike your idiot self, is focused on improving himself, and will be approaching you on a very expensive racing bicycle at very high speeds.
Read MoreWhere’s My Wingman?
Flashback to 2002, and I am playing kickball on the National Mall. There, between flights of Matisse’s ‘La Negresse’ and living in cel phone hell I meet Matt P. He and I quickly become inseparable wingmen, tag-teaming the beauties of DC.
Then jump to spring 2003, when I style naturally in New Orleans with Yana, a woman who partied so hard that many of her stories sounded like the start of a police report; “So, I’m walking up 16th Street ’round 2 am, heels in my hand, drunk off my ass, and then…”, and the dastardly duo becomes a terrible threesome.
Better Than a Devo Comeback Tour
Before they abandon me for a dance floor filled with the worst in bad white-man dancing, I get an earful of what women talk about when they’re out. Guys of course, with out-of-context phrases like “he’s dreamy,” and “scratching balls in public” or “gag reflex” I made my own storylines while sipping tasty beer + lime + ice.
Read MoreA Drive Across America
Wow. I just drove from Las Vegas to Washington DC, a three and a half day, 2,500 mile odyssey across America with only one Applebee’s stop.
As much helping my friend Sam move here from San Diego, as seeing another part of America, the flyovers, it was just quite an interesting trip. Unlike when I did a similar but wandering American tour with my parents, we did this trip as a straight, almost nonstop sprint, for I had a job to get back to and Sam has a DC life to start.