A LAX Layover Done Right

On my way out to Taipei, I took their advice and stuck around LAX, heading over to The Encounter. My opinion of the booze-free experience? LAX sucks after 10pm.

Not about to have the same four hours of boredom and sobriety, on my way back through LAX and facing a five hour layover this time, I decided to go for it, to make a run to Marina del Ray and soak up a few ocean side drinks. I also took exacting notes to record the experience, in case anyone else has a long hour layover at LAX.

• 3:51 pm Eva Airways flight BR-12 lands at LAX with a planeload of crabby passengers thankful to leave the flying sardine can after 11 hours of cramped seating.
• 4:05 pm I exit the LAX terminal and jump into the waiting cab, asking the driver his time estimate to Marina del Ray. We start talking and he suggests I head to Venice Beach.
• 4:08 pm Recalling the fun I had on my Hype Deflation Tour, I order a re-route. Its to Venice Beach we go!
• 4:21 pm I order my first frozen strawberry margarita at Venice Whaler Bar & Grill while seated in the corner table right at the windows overlooking the beach, happily noting there is a happy hour till 6 pm. I decide I like this place.
• 4:45 pm Standing outside my open window are two hotties, debating if they want to ride home yet or not. I convince them that abandoning an in-progress happy hour is a sin against alcohol. They decide to join me and I decide I really like the Venice Whaler.
• 5:04 pm Both girls are fresh back form summers in Europe and three of us start talking about a subject we have in common, in-transit liaisons, better known as “travel sex”.
• 5:49 pm We are deep into tales of love and lust lost in luxurious lands when one young lady says the magic words I so love to hear: “I’m drunk”
• 5:57 pm The second young lady joins the first in declaring, as she wobbles to the bathroom, “I’m drunk too”
• 6:16 pm With happy hour over and two drink girls I make my move. Paying the tab with a smile, I heard us out the door and onto the cold windswept beach. There we huddle close together and while watching the surfers, star a tickle fight in the sand.
• 6:32 pm By some act of luck, it seems I’ve found two girls who admit that sometimes they take a liking to other girls, and then I behold one of the great moments in my life: the two hotties making out with each other
• 7:14 pm The girls declare they need more drinks to keep up the kissing and I immediately steer them back to the Venice Whaler.
• 7:17 pm To the delight of the entire bar, the two hotties order shots, lime, and salt and then proceed to do body shots off each other, licking the salt of each other’s ample bosom. I immediately dial American Airlines and try to change my flight to the next morning.
• 7:21 pm My phone is taken from me as my face is shoved into a warm caress of boobage and salt, I have entered the Body Shot Zone. Time, space, flesh melds into a cornucopia of lights, sounds, tastes as salt, lime, tequila, sweat, and saliva mix.
• 7:45 pm My heaven on Earth is shattered by the piercing ring of my phone alarm, alerting me to my impending flight I failed to change. I take the only responsible action, I turn off my phone.
• 7:55 pm Called to the bathroom by nature, I note the time and take stock of my original layover goals and current achievements, and collect my senses.
• 7:57 pm I exit the Venice Whaler, tear in my eye, memories in my mind, luggage in hand and grab the waiting cab. It’s the same cabbie as before and he doesn’t believe my hottie make-out story until I show him my photos.
• 8:12 pm Achieving my last LAX layover goal, I order a Double Double with fries at the In-n-Out burger fast-food joint just outside LAX. Still tipsy from the shots and smelling of salt, lime, and woman, I note that I’m the only customer laughing nonstop by himself.
• 8:22 pm We leave In-n-Out and head back to the airport, me munching on fries, the driver telling tales of his childhood in Vietnam.
• 8:37 pm Past security and relaxing gate side I start eating my In-n-Out to the great envy of the other passengers and a giant Great Dane.
• 8:55 pm Fat & happy, I slump against the wall, giving my last fries to the now-drooling Great Dane, and decide it’s a good time to drunk dial my friends on the East Coast.
• 9:08 pm I board the American Airlines flight 74 for IAD, five hour layover compete.

So ya’ll frequent flyers, take note. Four or five hour layover in LAX? Do it right, head to Venice Beach, drink yourself silly at the Venice Whaler, and give my love to the hotties.