The Adventures of Flat Jon

1999 > Russia

Flat Jon and I took a tour of the cool Russian capital: Moscow

Flat Jon chilling with an itch
Flat Jon on Red Square

Big Boy bracing the Bolshoi!

Flat Jon at the Bolshoi

The men chilling and chatting about the good times

Flat Jon learning new customs

On Wednesday, an odd fellow showed up at my office from
Brookside, New Jersey. I’ve never been to Brookside, and I couldn’t even
say I know where it is, but if this gentleman is any indication, I would
think that there are fine people in that city, especially those in
Mendham Township.

This odd fellow was no less than Flat Jon! I first heard about him
from my friend, Erika, who lives in Finland. She was lucky enough to meet Flat Jon and take him around
Helsinki, before gracing myself with his presence.

Flat Jon, you see, is from Mendham Township, and he used to be just
‘Jon’ until a blackboard fell on him one day while he slept,
and made him loose a dimension. Now he fits snugly in an envelope as he
travels the world, avoiding the airfare costs and visa hassles, us
three-dimensional people must endure.

All his friends in Mrs. Nelson’s Second Grade class are following
Flat Jon’s travels around the world. I’m sending the pictures of him on
this page, and a few others I took, to them, so they know where he is a
how he’s doing. I hope Flat Jon’s friends make an album of his travels,
so when he returns, he can remember all the places he’s been.

He’s sure been around Moscow, now! We went all over the city together
on Saturday, going to Red Square to visit Mr. Lenin and see St Basil’s
Cathedral. Then, it was off to the Bolshoi, where Flat Jon greatly
enjoyed the Eugene Onegin opera.

Flat Jon was too tired after the full day we had to experience the
nightlife of Moscow, but I think that was for the best. He may slip by
the folks at immigration, but the guards outside of the clubs I like to
go to would not be impressed with his Reeboks. All the best-dressed men
in Moscow wear dress shoes, like my black Doc Marten’s.

So far, Flat Jon is a veteran of Alaska, Washington, California,
Finland, and now Russia. As he is traveling until May of this year, I
bet he’s gonna make it all the way around the earth! He’s already made
it to two continents in five quick hops. Next stop, Singapore!