It’s Official: I am the Cooler, Older Cousin

Since then, I’ve always aspired to be the cooler, older cousin to someone, and for a few years my cousin Sean fit that bill. Then, as he started to be too cool himself, I needed new cousins to impress, and luckily I have over fifty-five to choose from.

Last fall and this summer, as my cousins got married, I had the chance to show off my skills to quite a few cousins, none of which could really remember my fat and dorky self the last time we met.

They could only see the new me, the ultra-cool, world-traveling, hard-parting cousin that I showed them time and time again. In November, I warmed them up with tales of foreign exploits and this time, while we gathered for cooler, older cousin Ann Renne’s wedding in New Hampshire, I took them on a few.

Well at least one decent adventure, as I grabbed my cousins Grandi, Trudy, and Christian for a night of drinking and bar hopping through the town of Plymouth. After shutting down the town, with a cameo by an odd Thalidomide kid, we headed back to the hotel in full party mode.

Instead of heading to bed, we grabbed a lemon and a traffic cone, playing played parking lot baseball until our chaos aroused one too many sleeping guests. Not willing to stop there, the next move was a memorable one.

Or at least a cold one, as its not the best idea to go skinny dipping in the Pemigewasset River after the spring we’ve had. Still, with cold water lapping at my neither regions, I called on my cousins to join me for a swim, and in the process I founded the Pemme Skinny Dip Club.

As the founding member, I got two prizes that wouldn’t show up for a few dayz. The first was uncontested cooler, older cousin status, which I am very happy to report was enhanced by winning several rounds of ‘King of the Raft’ on Lake Winnepesakie the next day, and the second, which was a fine case of poison ivy that still haunts me two weeks later.