|
 |
|
I brought the Baltika 9!
|
|
Last Saturday, North Americans (Canadians take note), all
over the globe celebrated a pagan ritual that has ingrained itself in
our modern culture: Halloween Night. In America, the kids (and a few
adults) dressed up in costumes and went door to door in their towns,
saying ‘trick or treat’. If given treats (candy) the kids were
happy and wander on, if they get nothing, then the more deviant kids
played a trick on the house, like covering it with toilet paper (not I,
of course).
As adults, we still like the costume idea, but we weren’t about to
trudge for miles in chaffing costumes, instead we threw wild parties
(Halloween is now third, after New Years and Superbowl Sunday), and got
crazy drunk. And, as with other aspects of our culture, like McDonalds,
consumerism, and broom ball, we brought Halloween with us to Russia.
So, if you wanted to see how stupid-crazy Westerners
could get, you should have joined us at the Big Bash below. The Russians
who showed up, tried really hard, but I don’t think they quite got the
idea. Not enough practice drinking in rubber masks, keeping the mummy
from loosing his gauze, or making out with a witch. I got
creative, and went as a boxed up expat (literally, I wore a shipping
box) being sent home. Locals didn’t get it, but the foreigners
(that are left) howled with laughter.
[Note: I just heard that the bar that hosted a Toga
Party I went to two weeks ago, was given an official protest by the
Moscow Government. Seems 20% of the neighborhood signed a petition they
sent to the mayor that said the party was a Satanic Ritual filled with
obscene behavior, including fornication with farm animal! These
Russians gotta learn how to part outside their kitchens!]
GOSORG HALLOWEEN BLOWOUT
Over the past four years GOSORG has provided hands-down the best
Halloween entertainment in Moscow via its choice locations, original
decorations, excellent live music, top-notch DJ’s, and most of all
access to an endless pool of liquor and beer for a mere $10 cover. Such
an opportunity for blatant barbarism can not be passed up, especially at
a time when life in Moscow is being flushed slow motion down the toilet.
Don’t miss it. We know where you live.
GOSORG HALLOWEEN BLOWOUT
Saturday, October 31, 1998, 9 p.m.
Bolshoi Gnezdnikovski Pereulok 10
(first street to right after you cross the Bulvar as you drive down
Tverskaya towards Kremlin)
entrance: $10 or ruble equivalent
Absolutely Free all-you-can-drink all night long
costume required
featuring: SPITFIRE
For this year’s fest, we’ve used the following recipe:
MONSTER MASH ‘GOSORG’
For the Monster, you will need:
7 oligarchs, bankrupt
1 dead economy, whole
1 tablespoon banking system
300 tons currency, freshly printed
2 chunks, Yeltsin’s liver
For the Mash, prepare:
1 Art Nouveau theater, ghoulish, run-down, centrally located
500 liters vodka
1000 liters mixed fruit juice
2000 beers
6000 watts sound
1 excellent DJ
1 generous portion of SPITFIRE, the St. Pete Ska sensation
$283.34 worth of cheezy halloween decorations from WalMart
1000 guests
Sift the banking system and freshly printed currency and set aside.
In a blender, combine the oligarchs and Yeltsin’s liver, and pour this
over the dead economy. Lift this blend under the banking system and
currency, taking care to remove any traces of foreign investment that
may have fallen into the mix. Put whole mess on the back burner.
Take the theater and fill it with the cheezy halloween decorations.
Set up the sound and turn it to 11. Take the alcohol and dump it into
arriving guests. Have DJ turn up the music again and bring out Spitfire.
Shake wildly.
Makes: No Sense
Serves: Everyone |
