And I’ll dump a pitcher of ass whooping on you too!
It summertime in Washington, DC and that can mean only one thing: another year of kickball on the National Mall. Yes, I’m back at it again, for the third year in a row, but its different this time around.
First, I’ve switched divisions. After two years in the Constitution Division, I’m now in the Independence Division and the change is palatable. My new team, the Snoochie Boochies is lead by Mico, who to his great credit, plays everyone who shows up, regardless of skill level.
This means I’ve sat out a few innings when others with less skill have tried their hand at covering second base. Sat out with pride, because kickball is all about having fun, which with this team I have every time. That and winning, which we did with ‘Wild Thing’ Samara, our star pitcher who threw amazing spinning curve balls with her sweet bowler form.
After ass whooping other teams on the field, we would retire to a new (to me) bar, The Exchange, where the next round of ass whooping would start. Playing ‘flip-cup‘ a horrid drinking game imported from Hoboken, New Jersey, we challenged other kickball teams to what is essentially a beer-chugging contest.
At first I was reluctant to join in this new game, as I’ve always refrained from drinking bad beer to begin with and to chug it? Ugh! But for the team I sacrificed and sacrificed often. And over time, slamming with the best, I became the best.
Yes, Mom, at 31 I am now a champion flip-cupper.
Champion because we would challenge every kickball team at the bar, and after passing out pitchers of ass whooping, we would start to take on pick-up teams of the best kickball flip-cuppers. Then we would move into the softball teams also at the bar, defeating all challengers.
And I do mean all. From the team lead by Kickball Superman, complete with tights and kickball cape, to Grandma.
Yeah, you read that right. I recruited a softball team, anchored by Grandma, and after waiting for her team to catch up to us, flipped-off with Grandma mano a mana.
Take that Lebowski!